


Foolish Wishes 2

by Tagsit



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: April Fools' Day, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 15:16:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tagsit/pseuds/Tagsit
Summary: Someone overhears Justin complaining about Brian’s tricking and the next morning Justin wakes up slightly altered . . . Set roughly around the beginning of Season 5 (if S5 had happened in the springtime)





	Foolish Wishes 2

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“Would you just STOP already?” Brian slammed his pint glass down on the table top, glaring at me with this look that cut more deeply than a laser beam. “I’ve had a totally for shit day, Justin, and I do NOT want to sit here and listen to you waxing poetic about monogamy all night. Shit!”

 

“What are you talking about?” I replied with all the exasperation that Brian’s mood swings usually engendered for me. “I did not even use the dreaded ‘M’ word”

 

“Michael and Ben are buying a house in the suburbs. Michael and Ben are so excited about Mel’s baby. Michael and Ben are decorating the nursery in teal and fuschia. Michael and Ben, Michael and Ben, Michael and Ben.” Brian ticked off every angry sentence on his fingers. “You may not have said the word, Sunshine, but I can read between the lines. And I do not appreciate your passive aggressive nudges trying to get me to settle into some heteronormative bullshit life in the fucking suburbs.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. We’re gay. We fuck around. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Yadda, yadda, yadda,” I was getting thoroughly pissed at that point because, yes, I’d heard all of this before, way too many times to count. “So, what? Just because we’re gay we’re not allowed to also want shit like a real house or kids or any of that crap? Ever?”

 

“And a golden retriever and a white picket fence and a beer belly and a heart attack by the time I’m fifty? Count me out,” Brian scoffed, picking up his beer again and draining it while he turned his attention back to scanning the bar for his next blow job.

 

“You do realize, don’t you, that we could still have all the good things and continue to be gay, right?” I asked, moving around so that my body was physically blocking his line of sight. “I never said you had to quit tricking. Hell, I still like tricking myself, occasionally. But that’s not the end all and be all of gay life. There is more to life than 24/7 free sex!”

 

“Don’t I know it. There’s also work - which allows me to buy nice clothes and pay for the gym membership - which in turn allows me to have more sex with more guys.”

 

“You’re impossible!” I growled at him, wondering for the thousandth time how I was ever going to get through to him. “Haven’t you had enough of the club boy life Brian? How long do you think you can keep up this act? Huh? When are you going to realize it’s okay to slow down. To start to enjoy your life a little more. To admit it would be okay to have a life outside of Babylon? Maybe even - *gasp* - a house and a family some day? It wouldn’t kill you, Brian.”

 

“Fuck yeah, it would. Can you seriously see ME living in suburbia? Shit, I’d be turning all the straight guys in the neighborhood and then their wives would be chasing me down with pitchforks,” he chuckled, apparently warming up to the idea finally. “Actually, maybe we should try it, Sunshine. I could always use some fresh prey and those straight, married guys might be a fun challenge.”

 

“Fuck you, Brian. That’s all you need - more guys to fuck.”

 

“That’s what we all need, Sunshine; more sex, more of the time!”

 

“Yeah, you need more sex like I need another cock!”

 

“Hey, that could be fun. Then you could fuck twice as many guys in the same amount of time. Great idea, Sunshine!” Brian bent to kiss me on the cheek and then sauntered off after the tall redhead he’d been ogling at the end of the bar. 

 

But I wasn’t done with this discussion so I trotted after him. “You’d like that huh? Seriously? You’d be okay with me fucking every single guy that walked past me? Justin Taylor; Open for Business. All comers! Two at a time even! And you’d be just fine with that? Wouldn’t it take away from your pool of potential fucks?”

 

“You wish!” Brian stepped around me and continue on towards his latest prey.

 

“I do! I do wish! I wish I had two cocks so I could fuck everyone in this damn bar and show you how stupid you look chasing after every tail in Pittsburgh when you’ve got the perfect fuck in your bed every single night!” I screamed after Brian’s retreating back. 

 

All I got for my trouble was a middle finger salute from my ‘partner’ as he ambled away with his next victim.

 

I returned to scowling into my own beer, grumbling to myself over how stupid I had been to fall in love with someone so willfully un-self-aware.

 

“That’s an interesting wish,” a voice from the next table over said, causing me to look around. It took me a minute to match up the voice I’d heard with the person sitting there; her long brunette curls, red sequined dress, and elegant makeup were incongruous with that gravelly baritone. “I’ve never tried a wish like that. It could be . . . educational.”

 

“Um . . . Sorry?”

 

“Your wish . . .” the drag queen responded with a coy flutter of her long false eyelashes. “Do you really want two cocks? Do you think you could handle it?”

 

I chuckled at the very thought. “Sure. Why not. It might do Brian some good to have a little competition. And maybe he’d think twice about his assertion that ‘there’s no such thing as too much sex’.”

 

“You never know, my young gayling, you might learn a thing too. They do say, ‘be careful what you wish for’, you know?” I just huffed a dismissively amused laugh and shook my head. “Very well. So be it,” the mysterious queen said, making her words sound like some kind of ominous pronouncement. “Let’s hope you too don’t come to regret your wish like some many who have come before you.”

 

And then the woman waved one beringed hand in the air with a campy flourish before returning her focus to the display of tarot cards she had spread out across the bar table in front of her. 

 

I rolled my eyes as I turned back to the contemplation of my own beer, forgetting the strange queen within seconds. But when Brian emerged from the back hallway with his latest trick trotting along like a satisfied puppy at his heels, I figured I’d had enough. I didn’t care if Brian’s day had been crappy, I was through letting him take it out on me. And I was through watching him parade a string of tricks in front of me day in and day out as if I didn’t matter to him at all. If he wanted me to become his mini-me, fine. What was good for the goose was extra-special good for the gayling. Let’s see how he liked it when someone gave him a run for his money. Brian might be the Stud of Liberty Avenue but I had been the King of Babylon. And the King was about to put the Stud in his place.

 

With that in mind, I walked over to the bar, sidled up next to the biggest, huskiest, muscle queen I could find, signaled the bartender for two Jello shots, and batted my long blond eyelashes at my intended victim. 

 

!!!!!!!!!!

 

I don’t know about everyone else, but I always seem to wake up super early the morning after I’ve been drinking. You’d think you’d sleep in when you’re hungover, right? Not me. For some reason my body thinks it’s imperative to wake up at the fucking crack of dawn so that I have more time to enjoy the nausea and headaches. Fuck me. 

 

“Uggghhhhhh!” I moaned as I rolled over and immediately regretted it when the room around me kept right on rolling even after my body had come to a halt. “Shit! What the fuck have I done to myself.”

 

“Good morning, Stud!” an unfamiliar voice whispered in my ear right at the same time I felt a large body curling up around my back. 

 

“Is it time for round four? I’ll get the lube,” said yet another voice I didn’t recognize, this one sounding way too excited and way too loud for my hungover ass.

 

“Make that round five,” corrected voice number one, “and fuck yeah, it’s time. “But this time I want to be on the right. I think that one’s longer.”

 

“You always were a size queen,” the second voice laughed without objection. “Personally, I don’t care which cock he fucks me with - they’re both amazing.”

 

“Can’t argue there,” voice one agreed. Then I felt an arm snaking around my waist and trying to pull me backwards, closer to the center of the bed, which caused the whole spinning room thing to happen again. I groaned. “Awww, come on, Stud. You can’t give out on us yet. You promised to fuck us both all night long and it’s not even full daylight yet.” The hand attached to the annoying arm began to snake its way downward, under the sheets, till it reached my groin area and started pawing away at me. “That’s it. Come on, Baby. Wakey, wakey! Show us what those glorious cocks can do . . .”

 

The guy was cooing as he rubbed me and even though I was hungover, apparently one part of my anatomy was working just fine, because I could feel that tingling in my groin that meant Mr. Happy was ready to make an appearance. So, I thought, what the hell. I might as well fuck away my hangover. It was worth a shot, right?

 

I rolled over and stretched a bit, not really opening my eyes yet all the way because of the headache I could feel pounding behind my eyelids. But that pain seemed a little less insistent now that other parts of me were waking up. And, before I was even fully awake, I felt a second pair of hands joining the first, both of them going to town, rubbing and fondling my body all over. So yeah, I wasn’t objecting, even though I wasn’t really at my best here. It didn’t even take that long for me to get to the point where it clearly felt like it was time to move this thing - whatever it was - along to the next stage. So, with my eyes still mostly shut, and my head still spinning, and my cognitive abilities still iffy at best, I rolled over onto my knees and let the hands move me around to where they wanted me.

 

“Come on, Stud. I’m so ready for you. Fuck us. Fuck us now,” one of the voices was already crooning before I’d even managed to wake up all the way.

 

Next I heard the familiar sound of condom wrappers being torn open and felt two sets of hands working at my crotch. There was the cool shock of the lubed latex medallion when it first touched the head of my cock, a sensation I’m more than familiar with - despite the fact that Brian rarely lets me top him, I’m pretty much exclusively a top when I trick, so this is old hat, really - before the hands began to roll the sheath down my length . . . Strangely, though, something about this process just didn’t feel right. My muzzy, alcohol-muddled, brain couldn’t quite put a finger on what exactly, but there was just something off here. I could feel all those hands all over me, and yeah it felt great, but it also felt . . . weird.

 

It wasn’t till I heard one of the trick’s voices mumbling something along the lines of, “Fuck, they’re so beautiful. I’ve never seems two such perfect cocks in my whole life . . .” the guys hands stroking my dick up and down and up and down in a rather insistent manner, and at the exact SAME time felt the second trick’s mouth enveloping my dick with a warm wetness as he used his tongue to roll the condom further down towards my balls, that I realized something really, really, wasn’t right. Because that was impossible, right? I couldn’t feel one guy sucking my cock while the other guy was stroking me with his hands, right? That was impossible. Maybe I had drunk way more than I knew and given myself brain damage or something? Because this just was. Not. Right!

 

I finally opened my eyes all the way. That’s when I realized I wasn’t in Brian’s loft, which is generally where most of the orgies I’ve been part of have occurred. The room I was in was completely unfamiliar. Ugh. Okay, it wasn’t the first time I’d woken up in a strange place, although I certainly didn’t make a habit of it. But, okay. Neither of the men in the bed with me looked at all familiar either. Big surprise. Shit, what the fuck had I done the night before? Going home with more than one stranger when I was soused out of my mind was really not my thing. 

 

I was still reeling over this discovery, however, when it finally dawned on me that the unknown men in bed with me weren’t the only strangeness going on this morning. 

 

The guy on my right, the one who’d been using his mouth to put the condom on me, had finished his task and had eagerly squirmed around so that he was on his hands and knees facing away from me towards the headboard of the bed. While I looked on, he reached back, grabbing onto my dick and using his hand to position it so it was aimed the right direction. Meanwhile, the guy on my left was still frotting against my hip and stoking at my cock with his hands as if he was in an ecstasy of pleasure just touching me. And, that couldn’t be right, could it? I could already feel my dick sliding inside right-hand trick’s ass while left-hand trick continued to fondle me. That was impossible, right?

 

“How . . . ?”

 

I looked down at myself, totally confused, and thinking that maybe I was still drunk or something, only to find myself staring at an absurdity. An impossibility. Something that was so utterly preposterous it just could NOT be true and yet . . . Above my scrotum, right where my favorite appendage normally resided, it looked like there were now TWO cocks instead of one.

 

“What the hell?” I screamed, pulling away from the two tricks so fast that I actually fell off the edge of the mattress onto my ass. 

 

But the two cocks hadn’t disappeared and had instead followed me off the bed. There they were. Two for the price of one. Or, should I say, two in the place of one. There were two - apparently fully-functional and fully erect - dicks sprouting out from the bush of my dark blond pubes. 

 

“What the actual FUCK!” I yelled again, scrambling to my feet and trying to rub at my eyes as if to clear my vision so that at least one of those two cocks would disappear. 

 

It didn’t help. They were both still there. When I twisted my hips, both the cocks swayed in tandem around me, knocking against each other at the end of the arc they made. I reached down with both hands and grabbed hold of one in each fist. They felt real! They felt just like my cock used to feel, only now there were two of them. 

 

Somehow, between last night and this morning, I had grown a second cock!

 

“Oh! Don’t go, Baby. Come back and fuck me. Please, fuck me,” the right-hand trick pleaded, wagging his ass at me in supplication. 

 

Left-hand trick joined in the begging, reaching out and laying his hand over my own with a squeeze to the left-hand cock and then using that handhold to tow me back towards the bed. “Come back, Stud. We’re not even close to being done with you and your marvelous meat-stickers.”

 

And maybe I was in shock or something, or maybe it was just that I couldn’t resist the way left-hand trick was stroking me once again, but I didn’t put up any resistance as he pulled me back onto the mattress and carefully repositioned me behind right-hand trick. Then Leftie moved around so that he was kneeling right beside Rightie, their two asses side by side, angled so that their two pulsing holes were barely a couple inches apart. So, there I was with two condom-covered dicks at my disposal and two willing asses perfectly lined up and ready for me, and my brain, which was still probably at least partially off-line after the prior night’s drinking spree, was telling me it would be a total waste not to do something productive with those dicks. What the hell, right? Of course I wasn’t going to over think this thing. I was going to do what any guy in my position would do. I was going for it!

 

So I fucked them. Both of them. At the same time. With my two dicks. And fuck was it good because, as good as one orgasm feels, you can probably imagine how mind-blowing it is to have two orgasms at the same fucking time, right?

 

Once I finally recovered from the most incredible fuck known to mankind, I crawled out of the bed, leaving the two seemingly well-satisfied tricks still gasping and panting for breath. A quick search of the room turned up my clothing lying in a pile on the floor, which I pulled on before making a rapid exit. My mind was still reeling over this miraculous new development; I needed to get out of there and go someplace where I could think things through - maybe even try to remember what the hell happened to me the night before which had somehow resulted in THIS development. 

 

Luckily, I recognized where I was the minute I emerged from the tricks’ building. I was only a couple blocks away from my usual haunts on Liberty Avenue. At least I wasn’t lost, right? I set off down the sidewalk, moving as fast as my hungover body could manage.

 

I didn’t make it far, though. The minute my feet turned the corner from the cross street onto Liberty proper, I was accosted. Literally. This guy I’d never seen before squealed the minute he laid eyes on me, trotted across the sidewalk, and grabbed hold of my arm. I was so startled that I kinda froze for a minute, which unfortunately gave his friend time to come over and join the handsy one who was pawing at me. 

 

“OMG! Is it you? It IS! Peter! Peter, this is the guy I was telling you about! The GUY WITH TWO DICKS!” Handsy exclaimed, pulling me around so that he could properly show me off to not only the friend but also to all the passers by on the street. “You should have seen him last night! It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. OMG! You have to show my friend,” he demanded of me. “Oh, wait, I have a better idea. You should let us both blow you. At the same time. Yes! That’s perfect. Come on, Peter, you won’t believe this . . .”

 

And before I really knew what was happening, Handsy had dragged me around the corner and down an alley where he pushed me up against the brick wall behind a huge dumpster. Like I said, I was still frozen in shock or disbelief or something, because I just let myself be manhandled by these two. They immediately dropped down on their knees and Handsy reached up to undo my jeans while Friendly helped out by tugging on my pant legs until they’d managed to unearth my dicks. For about ten seconds before they’d got my jeans off, I’d half expected that maybe I’d imagined what had happened back at the tricks’ apartment and that there’d only be one dick in there. But no, there were the two matching dicks where only one used to be, just like before. And a minute later Handsy and Friendly had swallowed my boys down like the pros they undoubtedly were. 

 

It took less than ten minutes - due to my newfound friends’ enthusiasm - before I was again coming like gangbusters, enjoying yet another double orgasm that was so monumental that I felt like my all three of my heads were going to explode at the same time. 

 

I was still catching my breath as Handsy and Friendly cleaned me up, tucked my twin wonders back in my pants, and then stood up so that they could take selfies with me. Apparently, I was some kind of local celebrity already? Shit, what the fuck had I done the night before anyway?

 

I quickly thanked the guys for the excellent blowjob and they said, ‘no, no, thank YOU for the honor’, and then I got the fuck away from their fawning asses as quickly as I could. Not that I made it very far. Five seconds after I emerged from the alley, back onto Liberty, I was again recognized. This time it was a whole gaggle of fags who swarmed me. They were all babbling at me and telling fantastical tales about my supposed exploits from the prior night. Then one of the more outrageous of the group insisted that I come with them back to Woody’s - which for some reason I couldn’t explain was open already even though it was still barely nine am. 

 

The next thing I knew I was standing in the back of the bar and there was a scrum of men pushing and shoving at each other in order to win the honor of being the first two I’d fuck that morning. There never seemed to be any doubt that I was on board with this plan, despite me not really saying anything, or at least I didn’t remember saying anything. Maybe I was still dazed by the hangover or something? All I knew was that the two ‘winners’ eventually took up their places braced against the back wall of the bar with their pants lowered and I obligingly moved around so that me and my two dicks were lined up accordingly. After which, I rolled two condoms on, added some lube and speared both of my victims with my new double whammy dicks. 

 

That seemed to be the signal for pretty much every other fag on Liberty Avenue to join in the fun. There was an actual LINE of guys waiting for me to fuck them, if you can believe it. Thinking back on it all now, it seems a bit confused and hazy, but at the time it all somehow made perfect sense. They all wanted me and I was more than happy to oblige. They marched up, two by two, like I was some kind of queer Noah, only instead of an Ark, I had my double dicks and just fucked them all before sending them on their way. Luckily my stamina - which, not to brag or anything, had always been good - seemed to have multiplied along with my penises, so it was all good. I just kept on fucking, duo after duo, and experiencing the most stunning, mind-boggling, breathtaking, double orgasms every single time. 

 

It was literally the absolute BEST day of my life. 

 

I was a fucking god among fags! They all loved me. They all wanted to be fucked by me. They had their friends video-taping me as I fucked them so they could prove to people that they’d really been one of the lucky ones who’d had an up close and personal moment with the Diphallic Wonder that I’d become. And I was totally loving it. Seriously, what wasn’t to love? I’d never felt so powerful and attractive and wanted in my whole fucking life! Also, did I mention the incredible double orgasms? 

 

So, I just kept it up, fucking all comers, two-by-two, for most of the rest of the day. I barely stopped for meals. The guys I was fucking did buy me drinks as we went, though, so I managed to keep up my energy levels that way. 

 

Eventually, long after sunset, I finally managed to fuck my way through the entire line of waiting fans. I looked around and there was nobody left that I hadn’t fucked. The only person still standing where the line had been was a familiar hazel-eyed brunet who smiled at me with the most perfect Kinney-like smirk and my heart melted as soon as I saw him. 

 

“Hey there. Having fun?” Brian asked in that sexy drawl of his that gets me every time. 

 

“You have NO idea,” I replied with chuckle.

 

“Oh, I think I do. Judging by the lines of satisfied customers I saw leaving - all of whom are walking around bragging about what a great fuck you are - I’d say you had a great day.” He gave me that tongue-in-cheek smile of his that made him look like a little boy. “So, you got anything left over after all that for your partner, Partner?”

 

“Of course. Do you even have to have to ask?” I replied, moving quickly so that I would fit inside the scope of his strong, protective arms. “Why don’t you take me home and I’ll give you a special, private, performance.”

 

How can I even describe the evening that followed? I’m not sure I have the words. Brian and I have always defied explanation, but this was . . . more than that. He was so solicitous. He let me do things to him that I’m sure NOBODY had ever been allowed to do. I mean, he’s basically only bottomed for, like, three people in the history of the universe, so I wasn’t even sure that would happen, but to let me use both my new appendages on him at the same time, was more than anyone could have hoped for. Fuck! I have NEVER been more turned on in my entire life. He was so open and accepting and . . . fuck he took all of me in at the same time . . . which was more mind-boggling than even my brilliant self was able to comprehend. And yet, at the same time, it was so incredibly intimate and personal and . . . giving . . . I can’t even completely fathom what it took for him to give himself to me like that. All I can say was, it was the most magical experience of my existence, which is saying a LOT from a guy with two dicks.

 

But it didn’t end there. No. Not by a long shot. After we were done having the most nasty, intricate, and complicated sex I’d ever even thought about, there was more. And, as extraordinary as the sex we’d had was, what came after was even more amazing in the most mundane way imaginable. Because, after I’d initiated Brian into the joys of double penetration - a first for us both - we spent the rest of the night in bed together . . . talking.

 

We talked about everything. We shared tricking experiences. He asked me everything about my day, questioning me about all my tricks, and laughing with me about all the funny, dirty, nasty stories I told. We compared experiences and rated our various tricks. It was the MOST intimate experience of my life. And the most satisfying. Which is saying a fucking hell of a lot after having repeated double orgasms for most of the day, right? I simply can’t explain it with words, but there was something to the intimacy of just laying in bed with my partner, the man that I loved, and comparing our days, that transcended even the experiences of that remarkable day. 

 

When we eventually talked ourselves out, falling asleep in each other’s arms, it felt like the perfect ending to a perfect day.

 

!!!!!!!!!!

 

“Morning, Sunshine!” Brian whispered in my ear the next day as the alarm was buzzing in the background. “If you hurry, I might have time to fuck you in the shower before work.”

 

“Mmmmmmm!” I hummed, stretching languidly as I slowly acclimated myself to the morning. “Sure you don’t want me to fuck you instead? Or are you too sore after last night?”

 

“Dream on, little boy,” Brian replied as he unfolded himself from where he’d been draped around me and sauntered off towards the bathroom to start the shower. 

 

I might have commented negatively in reply if I hadn’t felt so fucking content at the moment. But I knew, deep in my soul, that Brian Kinney would never admit to the fact that I had doubly - and repeatedly too - rocked his fucking world the night before. That wasn’t Brian’s style. Heaven forbid that I impinge of his Studhood like that. Even if I was the Eighth Wonder of the Fucking World.

 

“Coming, Sunshine?” he called for me and I just automatically rose and ran after him like we were magnets that were inextricably drawn together. 

 

Of course, it wasn’t till I was standing in front of the toilet, waiting to piss, that I looked down and realized that something was different. My hands had automatically reached down and grabbed for my dicks . . . only to find just one dick to be grabbed. What the fuck? I was so confused. I’d only just barely reconciled myself to my double wonder fun and now . . . Nothing! Seriously? What the hell was going on here? Maybe I was losing my mind or something but . . . Seriously?

 

“Problems, Sunshine?” Brian asked from where he was waiting just inside the shower door, a bar of his ridiculously expensive sandalwood soap in his hand already, and that endearing smirk on his lips that I just couldn’t resist. 

 

I finished pissing and then joined him in the shower. I didn’t say anything about my delusions of diphallictic prowess. Maybe it had all been a dream - albeit a dream that had felt incredibly real at the time - or maybe I really was losing my mind. But either way I didn’t want to reveal my uncertainties to my boyfriend. How fucking embarrassing could you get. Had I seriously thought I had TWO cocks for a day? Who imagines shit like that? 

 

Somehow I made it through the rest of the day. I worked my shift at the Diner without incident. I chatted with all the regulars. I enjoyed the nice spring weather that had arrived along with the advent of April. I even accepted Brian’s directive to meet him after work at Woody’s. And NOBODY said one word to me about my delusions of having two dicks for a day. I was completely deranged, right? Who has a dream like THAT? Who? I should probably check myself into the mental ward at the hospital, because that shit was just plain cray-cray, right?

 

It wasn’t till I’d arrived at Woody’s and had seated myself at a table in the back, waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive from their various jobs, that I had leisure to think about what my hallucinations from the previous day meant.

 

“April Fools!” a familiar and yet unfamiliar baritone voice broke into my reveries.

 

“Excuse me?” I turned to my right and saw the same scarlet-gowned drag queen seated at the next table over.

 

“How did you like your April Fools Wish, Sweetie? It looked like you had fun,” my tormentor inquired, looking at me like she could see through me into my brain itself.

 

“I don’t . . . I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered, all flustered because . . . well, just because.

 

“Tut, tut. Don’t mess with me, Darling. Mysterious Marilyn knows all.” I must have looked at her skeptically because she relented almost immediately. “Okay, maybe not ALL, but enough.” I huffed a laugh and her demeanor softened. “So, did you learn anything from your foolish wish or was this all for naught?”

 

“I don’t know . . .” 

 

I was about to deny EVERYTHING - because who wants to admit to that kind of thing, am I right? - but then I saw the look Ms. Marilyn was giving me and somehow I just knew she knew. She knew everything. But how?

 

“Honey child, that right there is a what we in the business call a ‘cop out’. Of course you ‘know’. Maybe you’re not willing to admit it, but you know . . .”

 

“I . . . Was it all for real?”

 

“That depends on your perception of what’s real and what’s not,” she replied cagily. “But what’s more important than the question of reality, is whether or not you actually learned your lesson. Did you learn what you needed to know?”

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

“That’s more of that cop out thing, Sweetness.”

 

I felt so judged by this woman. I didn’t know what she knew about what I’d experienced, or how she could possibly know what she seemed to know - especially if it really had been just a dream, which was the working theory I was going on - but I was still somehow compelled to answer her more fully. Maybe I just wanted to understand? Maybe I wanted to talk about it with someone - anyone - who even remotely seemed to know what it was I’d dreamed? Whatever. I just knew she wasn’t going to let me off the hook till I’d answered her.

 

“I . . . I liked it,” I finally admitted, feeling vaguely ashamed by my confession. “It was amazing. I mean, I know I’m not exactly a troll, but I’ve never felt that . . . wanted . . . before. It was fun.”

 

“And those double orgasms, what about those, huh?” she asserted with a knowing grin.

 

“Well, yeah, there was that too . . .” I conceded.

 

“And yet, even with all THAT, you still went home with your Partner?”

 

“I guess so,” I thought back through everything that had happened, and the sweet intimacy that Brian and I had shared after I’d finished with all those nameless tricks, and it made me smile.

 

“And . . . what did we learn from this experience?” Marilyn prompted expectantly.

 

“I learned . . . Damn . . . I learned that I do, actually like tricking. A lot, if I’m being honest,” I confessed.

 

“And yet, after all that, you still went home with the man you love? So, despite how much fun you had with all those other men, tricking didn’t mean as much as your relationship with Brian?”

 

“Yeah . . . I guess . . . Damn, I guess it means that Brian wasn’t just gassing me . . . What we have, the time we spent together afterwards, meant so much more than the tricking. I didn’t see that before, I suppose. But, no matter how many guys I’d fucked, I still wanted to end up with Brian. He’s different. We’re different.”

 

“And all the tricking in world isn’t going to change that, Honey Child,” she maintained doggedly. 

 

“I guess not.”

 

“See? And you didn’t think tricking was educational?” she winked at me conspiratorially and I just had to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. “It’s always good to see thing from someone else’s perspective for a change, isn’t it? Walk in someone else’s shoes for a bit . . . Or, should we say, fuck with someone else’s dick for a day?”

 

“Hey, Sunshine. Did you start without me?” Brian interrupted, ignoring the mysterious queen who’d been quizzing me like he didn’t even see her, and taking the seat next to me. He leaned in to kiss me in greeting. “So, who’s on the menu tonight?”

 

I laughed and kissed him and we made out while we analyzed the evenings tricking potential together. It felt good. I felt more secure in my relationship than I had in fucking forever. And Brian was more attentive than he had been in, like, months. So it was all good. And right at that particular moment I didn’t need the ephemeral promises that a house, or a family, or any of that other stuff that our friends had, provided. I knew we were okay just the way we were.

 

But then, just when we had agreed our our ‘date’ for the night, we were interrupted in our plans by the arrival of the rest of the gang. They all crowded around, joking and chatting and just being their usual selves. All except for Emmett, who bounced up to our table with his phone held out towards us and an ecstatic look on his face. 

 

“You guys will NOT believe this video that’s going around. Look! It’s supposedly of some guy that has TWO DICKS! Can you believe it? Two! And Teddy thinks I’m crazy, but look - doesn’t this look like it was shot right here in Woody’s?” He held out the phone so we could see the video that was playing. “I mean, look! That wall there . . .” He turned and pointed to the back wall of Woody’s where, just the day before . . . 

 

. . . I’d set up shop and fucked all comers with my two amazing dicks . . . 

 

“Too bad you can’t see the guy’s face clearly,” Emmett was grumbling as he tried to enlarge the video. “You can see the two dicks as clear as day, but for some reason, every shot of the guy’s face is either blocked or blurry. I mean, can you imagine? Two dicks? Whoever this guy is would be a fucking legend! Do you think it’s real? . . .”

 

Of course Brian and I ignored Em - because seriously, how could you take some video on the internet seriously, right? - and went on with our selection of the take-home trick for the night without any further discussion.

 

!!!!!!!!!!

 

And we all lived, happily, and non-exclusively, ever after. 

 

!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Author's Note:**

> 4/1/19 Happy April Fools Day! Hope you all enjoyed my crack!fic installment for the day. And, just so you know, this story was not just some crazy figment of my imagination; it was inspired by a (supposedly) real person. If you doubt me, check out @DiphallicDude on Twitter . . . *Definitely NSFW, so be forewarned . . . and as amazed as I was! TAG


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